Secrets (Or at least One)

So, I am going to tell you a secret. 

…..

As much as I love acting, it also makes me terribly nervous.  I think it comes down to the face that I want to liked/admired rather than laughed/snickered at--but then again, doesn't everybody?  I will admit that I do have a desperate desire to be great.  But, let me tell you, sometimes that just doesn’t happen.  Especially when you are experimenting, and learning, and all that other good stuff. 

I know, I know.  I should just be content with who and what I am.  I know that my acting will improve if I can just be comfortable with myself instead of analyzing and critiquing everything in my head.  But sometimes…..  It’s.  Hard. 

At least it gets me out of my comfort zone. 

As for happenings this week…. well rehearsals started up again for Elephant Man and Little Eyolf.  Found out that Elephant Man can’t go to Nationals even if we do win, which makes me utterly and completely mad. 

One of the biggest reasons I said no to Cirque was because I didn’t feel like I could back out of Elephant Man.  But if we can’t go to Nationals, there is no point in going to ACTF, and well….what was the point in me saying no to a possible, well-paid job that would have looked excellent on my resume?

However, I did feel that both shows are something I am supposed to be doing, so here’s to hoping there's a dang good reason for it!

School also began.  This is the first time I will have completed a full year (two semesters) of schooling since before my mission.  I have this nagging feeling that I should be starting another adventure.  You know, going to a new place, starting a new job, meeting new people, etc.  But instead, I am here again—in the same apartment, going to the same school, seeing the same people.  It just feels odd.  It is the first time in something like four years that I am staying in one place for a lengthy amount of time.

Also…. I finally have a New Year’s resolution:  I want to attend the temple every week.