A funk...

I suppose I should be exulting in the fact that life is pretty good right now….but, I can’t seem to get myself out of a small funk.  Just a very small one mind you.  I think it may be related to the fact that I have more spare time than I usually do; how ironic is that?  You see, when I am not busy every moment of every day….that gives me more time to reflect.  And sometimes, the things that I reflect upon tend to make me worry and stress about the future.  For example:

1.     I will be 26 (almost 27) when I graduate with my two undergraduate degrees.  Yes, that is not completely a horrible and terrible thing, and I do feel like I am where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing…. But still, it is not what I expected.

2.     I am still not married, nor is there much possibility of it at the moment.  It is funny; I haven’t ever really worried about it too much, but lately it seems to be on my mind.  Maybe it is because I am getting rather ancient in Mormon culture.  Or maybe it is because so many of my friends are getting married.  Or maybe it is that most of those that I graduated from high school with have two or three children now.  I don’t worry about it not happening; I worry about it not happening because I possibly don’t do enough to make it happen.  Dating has never been my forte, though I do date occasionally.  I think my biggest problem is that men that I am interested in are few and far between.  They do come along, but not often.  Why is that, do you think?

3.     What in the world am I going to do with my future?  I love the fact that there are so many possibilities open to me, but I am terrified that I will not be able support myself, my brother, or my parents when they get older.  I love performing, but I have no idea if I will be able to make a living doing that.  I do love teaching as well, but today the arts are being cut out of the schools one by one.  And what would I teach… music and drama.

4.     And lastly, (now don’t laugh) what if I get cancer, or some other crazy disease like that?  I am writing this worry down in half jest, but to be quite honest with you, I was thinking about it today.  Obviously, I would deal with it, but it would certainly make life interesting.

Well, I think those are the main things.  Now you know—the inner thoughts and working of my mind.

Here’s to moving forward!