A funk...

I suppose I should be exulting in the fact that life is pretty good right now….but, I can’t seem to get myself out of a small funk.  Just a very small one mind you.  I think it may be related to the fact that I have more spare time than I usually do; how ironic is that?  You see, when I am not busy every moment of every day….that gives me more time to reflect.  And sometimes, the things that I reflect upon tend to make me worry and stress about the future.  For example:

1.     I will be 26 (almost 27) when I graduate with my two undergraduate degrees.  Yes, that is not completely a horrible and terrible thing, and I do feel like I am where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing…. But still, it is not what I expected.

2.     I am still not married, nor is there much possibility of it at the moment.  It is funny; I haven’t ever really worried about it too much, but lately it seems to be on my mind.  Maybe it is because I am getting rather ancient in Mormon culture.  Or maybe it is because so many of my friends are getting married.  Or maybe it is that most of those that I graduated from high school with have two or three children now.  I don’t worry about it not happening; I worry about it not happening because I possibly don’t do enough to make it happen.  Dating has never been my forte, though I do date occasionally.  I think my biggest problem is that men that I am interested in are few and far between.  They do come along, but not often.  Why is that, do you think?

3.     What in the world am I going to do with my future?  I love the fact that there are so many possibilities open to me, but I am terrified that I will not be able support myself, my brother, or my parents when they get older.  I love performing, but I have no idea if I will be able to make a living doing that.  I do love teaching as well, but today the arts are being cut out of the schools one by one.  And what would I teach… music and drama.

4.     And lastly, (now don’t laugh) what if I get cancer, or some other crazy disease like that?  I am writing this worry down in half jest, but to be quite honest with you, I was thinking about it today.  Obviously, I would deal with it, but it would certainly make life interesting.

Well, I think those are the main things.  Now you know—the inner thoughts and working of my mind.

Here’s to moving forward!

Friends

That moment.  Yep.  The one that no one believes really happened.  The event that comes straight from a movie.  Yes.  I have had one of those, and it changed my life. 

Almost two years ago (the summer of 2010) I decided to take one of the required classes for the theatre education major.  I was just home from my mission, and was very odd, as I was adjusting.  The first few weeks of 114—well, nothing really happened.  We watched movies, talked about them in class, and then wrote about them.  I was slightly anti-social, because my life had just completely changed, and so didn’t really get to know anyone well.  However, in another class, on a different day, I heard a voice asking me if she could sit next to me.  I looked up to see someone from 114 standing there, and I said yes. 

Because she sat next to me, another girl from 114 sat next to us both.  And that was how a beautiful friendship started.  The three of us, and two guys from 114 began having movie parties – outside of class.  Shocking, I know.  And we have been doing it ever since.  We try for once a month; sometimes we succeed, and sometimes we don’t.  But, I have gained five friends who have changed my life.  I wouldn’t know them really, if that girl hadn’t asked to sit by me one day.  We pass each other occasionally, on our way to classes or rehearsals, but it is never enough to truly get to know someone.  Someone asked to sit by me, and I met five people who were truly meant to be a part of my life:  Carter, Mady, Melinda, Brooklyn, and Josh. 

There were others that have come and gone from our movie parties, but it started and it has ended with them.  We just had what may very be the last movie party where we all get together.  And it was wonderful. 

Here’s to friends!

Secrets (Or at least One)

So, I am going to tell you a secret. 

…..

As much as I love acting, it also makes me terribly nervous.  I think it comes down to the face that I want to liked/admired rather than laughed/snickered at--but then again, doesn't everybody?  I will admit that I do have a desperate desire to be great.  But, let me tell you, sometimes that just doesn’t happen.  Especially when you are experimenting, and learning, and all that other good stuff. 

I know, I know.  I should just be content with who and what I am.  I know that my acting will improve if I can just be comfortable with myself instead of analyzing and critiquing everything in my head.  But sometimes…..  It’s.  Hard. 

At least it gets me out of my comfort zone. 

As for happenings this week…. well rehearsals started up again for Elephant Man and Little Eyolf.  Found out that Elephant Man can’t go to Nationals even if we do win, which makes me utterly and completely mad. 

One of the biggest reasons I said no to Cirque was because I didn’t feel like I could back out of Elephant Man.  But if we can’t go to Nationals, there is no point in going to ACTF, and well….what was the point in me saying no to a possible, well-paid job that would have looked excellent on my resume?

However, I did feel that both shows are something I am supposed to be doing, so here’s to hoping there's a dang good reason for it!

School also began.  This is the first time I will have completed a full year (two semesters) of schooling since before my mission.  I have this nagging feeling that I should be starting another adventure.  You know, going to a new place, starting a new job, meeting new people, etc.  But instead, I am here again—in the same apartment, going to the same school, seeing the same people.  It just feels odd.  It is the first time in something like four years that I am staying in one place for a lengthy amount of time.

Also…. I finally have a New Year’s resolution:  I want to attend the temple every week.

Sometimes.... Life's a bit hilly.

Do you ever find it amusing how life can be absolutely grand one day and then complete and utter rubbish the next?

I do.  

Well, actually, I am not sure "amusing" is the right word.  

Yesterday, I had a boyfriend, felt good about my decision to say no to Cirque, had made it into the classes I wanted, and one of the shows I was in had a chance of going to the national ACTF competition.  

Today, I have no significant other (though to be fair, I hadn't let myself grow too attached, so I am not completely crushed), there is no way the show can go to nationals--even if we do win (because of funding apparently), and I am pondering, yet again, my decision to go to school instead of work. 

(Insert a picture of me wallowing in self pity here.)

So, "amusing"..... as I said, maybe not quite the right word.  However, life is still good.  I just am having a hard time seeing the bright side of things right now.  However, I am determined to be happy with the path I have chosen.  I can do that.  

Right?

What a Wonderful World - Shadow Puppet Show

This is, quite literally, one of the most amazing things I have ever seen.  And no, I am not exaggerating. Someday, I will learn how to do this....

Googling myself, yet again...

No, I am not narcissistic.  I just keep getting this as an assignment.  And, being the excellent student I am, I do so.  :-)  This time, I found my name on a blog dedicated to analyzing theatre.  I was quite flattered, once again, and wish to express my thanks to the author, who I believe is the lovely Paige Guthrie (though I offer my humble apologies if I am wrong)!  The full link can be found here.  Enjoy!

Favorite Set Design

• The Diary of Anne Frank (BYU)
• Elephant Man (BYU)
• Elephant's Graveyard (UVU)
• She Stoops to Conquer (UVU)

Shout out to the Jennifer Chandler's cello compositions that underscored BYU's productions of Elephant Man and Diary of Anne Frank and was the difference between those shows being mediocre and excellent.

Atticus Finch, Manliness.... In short, an Excellent Post

Lessons in Manliness from Atticus Finch
That is the title of this utterly excellent article that can be found here.  Read it.  You won't be sorry.